When we give an example, it is usually about how we used Recovery tools to handle our symptoms. Then we endorse ourselves. Sometimes we give a "help" example or a progress report. All endorseable. We give ourselves a mental pat on the back for our effort, not for the results.
I had very little to endorse myself for during the entire month of June, other than getting out of bed, moving my muscles, and changing my thoughts. I started taking one of my most important pills every other night instead of every night as directed by my doctor. I felt so well! Who needs to feel so "doped up" all the time? And of course there was the stigma, too. I thought taking fewer pills meant I was just fine.
Well, I was not "just fine." My daughter is a social worker, taking care of schizophrenic clients; my best friends are all long-time Recovery leaders (both at traditional meetings and online); I have a caseworker who works with geriatric patients and has been a real friend to me for a number of years, and when I started on an upward swing that became unmanageable, they all tried to tell me to slow down. But when I'm in a manic phase, I think I know everything and pay no attention at all to anything anyone tries to tell me.
My regular doctor appointment came towards the end of the month, and that's when he adjusted all my medication. It took about two or three weeks before I felt really stable and could look back at all of my extreme actions. None of it makes any sense, even now, but it taught me an awful lesson, one I hope I never forget. One of my best online friends said, "Flo, I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad to know about it so I will know not to do the same thing."
And that's the main reason I'm writing about this experience. Don't ever think you know everything there is to know about your illness. Trust your doctor's authority.
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